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Some clerics say Mohammad’s daughter, Fatimeh, never appeared in public and therefore women should stay at home where they are protected. That is simply not true. She was one of the first women in Islam to teach. In her conferences, 400 men attended at one time. Fatimeh was as capable and as literate as her father and her husband, Ali . Her appearance on the battlefield with her father and husband was a sign of her equality. She was the complete opposite of the weak woman she is sometimes portrayed as in Shiah. She wasn’t allowed to pick up the sword and kill but she joined her father and husband in battle and saved her father’s life. She defended her husband when powerful enemies were trying to kill him. Shiah followers believe enemies searching for her husband killed her and her unborn child in her home. After Fatimeh died, her father, Ali , brought up their young daughter, Zainab. The great-granddaughter of Prophet Mohammad, she was as brave as her mother. She stayed with her holy family in the battle at Karbala , where her brother was killed, sixty years after Mohammad’s death, and saved the lives of the children. Women of Mohammad’s family were as strong and involved as their men, not only in daily chores but in affairs that concerned the followers of Islam. We hear less about them because history doesn’t always tell about the sacrifices that women made. Men have ruled Islam and, although women have made unspeakable sacrifices, they don’t receive their fair share of praise.
This is probably something you have never heard about Islam; a man falling in love with his future wife. Over 1400 years ago, romantic love stories were not every day occurrences among the nomadic Bedouin tribes. Prophet Mohammad was only twenty-five when he fell in love with and, defying the mockery of the prominent tribes, married Khadejeh, a forty-year-old businesswoman. He was a messenger of God and could have as many wives as he desired but he refused others until his wife died. The marriage produced several children but only one, a daughter, was born after he became Prophet and only she survived. When their daughter became eligible for marriage, Prophet Mohammad allowed her to choose her husband by interviewing hundreds of men through a sheer curtain. Maybe the selection process would be unusual today but it was quite liberal for the time. Today, an even more primitive process is in vogue in Islamic countries where young women are not allowed any part in the selection of their husbands. Prophet Mohammad gave his daughter absolute freedom to choose her husband but today, people who pretend to follow him, force their choice upon their daughters. It has been said by Prophet that when a man marries a woman, on the night of their wedding, he should wash her feet in a small basin and then pour the water around the house and ask God for prosperity. He is responsible for all the house chores. He can request help from his wife and, if she likes, she can help. Otherwise, he is responsible to hire help or even a nanny for his children. A woman is not obligated to do house chores or to clean up after the children. She is not obligated to cook, clean or do anything she doesn’t feel like doing it. This is all documented in Islam, of course, but who is to listen… women wear many hats, partner, bill payer, mates, nannies, teacher, cook, and the list goes on and on.
Islam gives a woman every right to divorce her husband if she is not taken care of physically, emotionally and financially or is in any other way disadvantaged. If she says three times that she divorces her husband, he is divorced. She receives not only child support but also she can take anything she brought to her husband’s house as part of her dowry, whatever the husband bought her in the time she was in his house or she bought with her own money. However, the rules of Islam doesn’t apply for women in Iran who cannot easily divorce their husband, easing the way for many men to have more than one wife. If a wife tries to stop her husband from taking a new wife, he can divorce her instantly with no compensation. A woman may be able to obtain a divorce with ample, substantiated reason but she will receive no compensation.
Under Islamic law, unlawfully or deliberately killing another human being is taboo, period. Honor killing is completely taboo and not part of Islam. This is the origin of honor killings as practiced by the desert tribes. If the death was accidental, Islam recommends, instead of taking another life, forgiveness and that money be paid to the family of the victim. If the killing is intentional, Islam demands an eye for an eye. The murderer is to be killed in the same manner he/she killed his victim. It is never a justified punishment in Islam. Prophet Mohammad specifically forbade the act. Nevertheless, it is a crime rooted in the pre-Islamic belief that if a girl disgraces her family, a family member must kill her to restore the family honor, ignoring the fact that the civilized world does not see any honor in murder. It was a widely practiced custom among Arab tribes before Islam. Men took pride in killing their female relatives for real or suspected transgression of tribal laws and customs. Among the Bedouin of Saudi Arabia condemned girls were usually raped and buried alive by their fathers and brothers. If an Arab man returned from war or business after a long absence to find his wife had given birth to a child, his wife and the child were in great danger of suffering an honor killing. If the baby were a girl he would order his wife to kill it. If she refused, he would bury the baby alive. If his wife interfered, she would be killed also. The Prophet was heart broken by this barbarism. His rulings were intended to end slavery, child labor and many other horrible crimes common among the Arabs. Unfortunately, banning the practice does not stop sick-minded psychopaths who continue to justify their crimes by misinterpreting Islam. There seems to have been a resurgence of this barbaric act in recent years. Many honor killings in Islamic countries have been reported to Amnesty International.
Women fear going to family members or unsympathetic parents who will try to force their daughter to stay in a violent marriage until she dies or something happens to her husband. Family criticism and violence against women are very common. Although the government publicly tries to avoid the appearance of any direct role in the violence, the truth is that the government praises the dominant role of men in society. There was a sarcastic quotation painted on the wall of a military camp in Tabriz where Siavash served as a soldier, ‘When a woman dies, a flower will grow on her grave. If all the women die, the world would be a garden of flowers.’ This ambiguous saying is supposed to express the softness and gentleness of women. The bitter truth is, it means a woman can only be redeemed through death; a good woman is a dead one. The message is; a woman who stands out and is heard, undaunted by the mullah’s threats is impure.
There is a ridiculous and infuriating difference between boys and girls in Iranian society. Boys and girls study in separate schools. Girls learn to become modest and obedient. Boys learn to take control of their family, to become macho and violent to prove themselves men. No matter how much parents tell the girls they love them, it is obvious to anyone who has lived in the culture that boys are favored. Most men force their wives to get pregnant repeatedly, even into their mid-forties, in order to have a boy, to carry the blood of their name to the next generation. This is culture preference and has no Islamic basis. Prophet’s own blood and name was transferred through his daughter Fatimeh, not his sons. Although the couple may already have half a dozen girls, parents want more sons. In America , daughters are daddy’s little girls. In Iran , sons are daddy’s little boys. Boys are the bloodstream and the main inheritors of the family estate. Boys receive two parts of inheritance to one for a girl. In simple words, each boy equals to two girls. A Persian proverb is the basis of violence against women in the Iranian culture. The proverb illustrates, but does not excuse, the cruel mentality of male chauvinists who think of women as livestock. The proverb, ‘You have to kill the cat by the bed.’ refers to the gratuitous punishment of the bride in the bridal chamber on the wedding night. Most modern males publicly refute this as justification for senseless violence against their bride but their actions suggest otherwise. Women are brutally assaulted by their husbands every day just to confirm his power and authority. A newlywed husband, encouraged by his family, is expected to punish his bride in the first weeks of marriage to ‘put her in her place.’ It is not likely you will find this practice described in books. There are many behaviors practiced in cultures around the globe about which only an insider would know. Sadly, the wives enable the continued practice of this ignorant custom. These good women will never admit physical abuse or complain to her family about what she is enduring. She knows she will get no sympathy and has little choice but to accept the assaults. Her parents wanted her out of their lives and do not want her back. She is resigned to blind obedience for life. The effect of the punishment in the early days of marriage resembles a butterfly in a jar. It will dance for you if you shed a light on its wings. A woman will put up with abuse, as though it were a mirage in the far distance, striving for her husband’s approval and attention. She will even perpetuate the nightmare by joining him in abusing her own daughters. Unfortunately, she is passing on submissiveness down through generations to come. Before the revolution, Iran was tracking the footsteps of advanced countries in marriage matters. Arranged, forced marriages were considered crimes and were being denounced for what they were; pedophilia and child molestation. They were more common in remote villages but, as people become poorer, a lot of wealthy old men are being ‘given’ girls as young as nine. Many marriages in Iran are still arranged by the families. Girls have little or no voice in selecting the person they marry and most are not happy to be given to a stranger. This practice has actually proliferated since the percentage of women in the population has increased due to eight years of war that took the lives of half a million young men. There is seldom such a thing as marriage for love. If the girl is lucky, she marries her cousin, who she has at least known for years and there is always a chance they may fall in love after they are married. If she is from a rural area, she may meet a boy she likes at university or work but there is no guarantee that the family of the boy or girl will approve their marriage. Poor people sell their children because the old men are not after a dowry, normally a mandatory requirement in Persian culture. It is, in fact, a reverse dowry. The groom pays the bride’s family for the body and soul of his bride, who may be younger than his own children or grandchildren. Girls who said ‘No,’ on the day of the wedding reception to a forced, loveless marriage to a man they did not know, have been killed in their white dresses. It is past time that people around the world know what is going on beneath the black chadors, which hide so much of Iran ’s pain. Families watch their daughters carefully as they would a ripening crop before harvest. If a girl simply calls a girl friend, she may be suspected of calling a boyfriend. Married women are also subject to suspicion. Gossip is entertainment and part of the life style and for men in a hardscrabble world. Sadly, in much of the Muslim world, just a rumor can cost an innocent woman her life, particularly if she is attractive and is seen, even inadvertently, talking to eligible men. When someone challenges men and their treatment toward women, they defend themselves by bluffing, “What mistreatment?” We provide them with food, home, children, clothing, gold jewelry, property; all the comforts of life. In reality, a woman cannot even wear the jewelry without her husband’s permission. Iranian men put property under the name of the wife and children to avoid taxes but the wife has no authority to sell it. As for having children, all a woman can do is take orders. Only in the cities do some women take birth control pills. They are expensive and there is no coverage for drugs from the government. Some men don’t let their wives use a contraceptive of any kind. A woman is a mate, a servant for man, a mother, and a baby-making machine until she dies or is past childbearing age. Having children doesn’t stop a man from abusing his wife. If a woman interferes with her husband who wants to punish the children, she will be assaulted as well. Many men complain that after having children their wives are not attuned to their physical needs. They reason, therefore, that it is their right to take their itches elsewhere to be scratched. Whether their wife is satisfied is not an issue. The husband is immune from any punishment for his dalliances but if his wife has a lover, she has committed adultery and will be stoned to death. This double standard, in any society, is inhuman and infuriating. Iranian women are not only under pressure from the government, which ignores or violates their rights continually, but they are also violated and tortured by their own loved ones. If a girl avoids marrying a man that her family thinks is suitable, her life in the family is finished. She will be beaten severely and almost inevitably forced to accept and give herself to a husband she does not know and does not want to be with. Although the government publicly says that women have to be willing to marry the prospective groom, physical punishment of recalcitrant girls is praised and reinforces the notion that parents own their daughters. Among most uneducated families in backward cultures, especially Iran , girls are like livestock. If she does not want to be given in marriage, she will be sold, just like property. Fathers, mostly, but sometimes both parents, give away or sell their daughters without their consent to a man that they have never met. There are degrading words that parents use to humiliate their daughters and induce them to accept the life sentence to which they are being condemned. They call the daughter a ‘stubborn she-mule.’ My father and brothers called me that name. It is common in Iran for boys to humiliate their sisters. A boy thinks he should never have to apologize for breaking his sister’s heart. She is merely an object. If there is a good deal to be made on her, she must be sold; otherwise, she will be ‘outdated.’ Mothers and fathers often tease women over eighteen. If she has refused to marry someone whom her parents think is suitable; a girl will be denied life necessities, such as clothing and pocket money. She has a strict curfew and cannot talk to her friends. Her father, mother or elder brother will beat her if she breaks these rules. Mothers become violent toward their daughters and other females who do not conform to the lifestyle that they themselves have accepted. The rebellious girl becomes unpopular and is ignored. Life becomes lonely until she bows to the will of her parents and accepts an arranged, loveless marriage that she is expected to endure until she dies. Parents in my culture admonish their daughters with another proverb, ‘I give you away wearing white ‘bridal gown’ and I expect you to come out of this marriage wearing white shroud.’ It means that no matter how hard the marriage might be, you have to stay in it. For those who are forced to get married right out of high school and wish to continue their education there are night schools but few husbands, even if they had a car, would allow his wife go to school alone at night. The cities are not safe at night, even for men. There is no security or public safety in Iran . When dark falls; crime rises. If anything happens to a woman while she is out, she is responsible for her own death or rape. Much like I was responsible for my kidnapping. I was lucky to come out alive.
As previously explained, polygamy is a part of Islam but culturally it was prohibited, whether a man was Muslim or belonged to some other religion. Polygamy was not condoned in many ethnic and Muslim cultures. Kurds, the non-Arab residents of Khuzestan considered it an insult to their daughter if the son-in-law married another woman. Although men in Iran are culturally prohibited from having more than one wife, religiously they can marry, or shall I say own, five wives at a time. Many men take full advantage of the opportunity, regardless of whether they can provide financially for their wives. During his reign, Mohammad Reza Shah banned plural marriage but permitted men who already had multiple wives to retain them. After his overthrow, the Islam revolutionary government reinstated the practice. Since the revolution, however, it has been legal for a man to marry another woman while he is married to one or more other wives, whether the incumbent wives agree or not. He can easily divorce any of his five permanent wives when he reaches his limit. This law is documented in Iran ’s constitution and is commonly practiced. He can have any number of common-law wives, concubines, mistresses or lovers by simply having a mullah sanction the extramarital affair for a specific period of time. In the minds of the mullahs who make the rules, it is acceptable for a man to destroy a family to satisfy his own desires. This is an example of the inane, prejudicial rulings coming out of the Iranian judiciary system and family courts. According to the law, as practiced in Iran , she has no right to oppose her husband’s multiple marriages or affairs. On the contrary, women are expected to welcome a new wife. A husband might resort to any means, including extreme violence, to convince a wife to accept his new wife. If, as not infrequently happens, his persuasion results in her unexpected death there is usually no investigation. The police routinely close the case on the sudden death of women. In a country ruled by mullahs executing men’s laws, these events are perfectly acceptable. Women who do protest are considered troublemakers and are unpopular, even with other women.
The Iranian government falsely propagandizes to the world that the judiciary system is based on Islamic law. It fails to mention that when it comes to people’s rights, the government, not Islam, defines the rights. The officials wrap it around the Islamic laws to try to make it appear legal and acceptable. According to the rules of Islam, women are equal to men. Seemingly
at odds with this concept is the law that a woman receives only one-half
share for The only time a woman is likely to be granted compensation is when her husband has multiple wives and she can prove that he does not adequately support her and her children. Even today, for most women in Iran , divorce is shameful. The family of the woman would rather see their daughter dead than divorced. My mother was finally able to divorce my father after twenty-five years of abuse and neglect. Siavash and I supported her decision but her brothers turned their faces away from my mother, telling her she was the shame of the family. I scolded them, “Where were you when my father was torturing us? If you really cared for your sister, why didn’t you help her? Now you are ashamed of her? I think you should be ashamed of yourself for ignoring her misery all these years and then calling my mother the shame of your family.” My uncles despised me for pointing out reality and telling them to back off and mind their own business. I became the burr under the family saddle blanket.
Since mullahs gained control in Iran , women are treated much as they were in medieval times. Women who once were independent and decision makers of our society now are pressured to remain silent or face threats and harsh treatment. A large number of vocal women dissidents have been imprisoned and many executed. Less daring women simply go on with their life, cocooning themselves like a larvae, not daring to speak up against their unequal status with men. In present day Iran , the Sepah Pasdar, men and women with little or no education, are allowed to interpret and enforce civil and religious law. The system is trying to silence all critical voices. They know it is easier to kill one person than to face a crowd and kill many. The Shah paid a heavy price for his mistake in not stifling his opposition. When a journalist asked him about his opposition, he candidly commented, “If they want to leave the country, we will gladly provide them with a one way ticket.” The mullahs are not as generous as the Shah. They don’t allow their opponents to become a source of rebellion against them in foreign countries. The mullahs kill their opposition in the name of God, much as the Catholic Church did during the Inquisition. At the beginning of the revolution, Germany , allowed the Kurdish Democrats, a small European resistance group, on it’s soil. Many were killed in a bomb blast in a restaurant. Germany prosecuted the killers despite Iran ’s open resentment toward Germany for its actions. These few people were not the only casualties engineered by the government of Iran . The famous author, Salaman Rushdie , got a little more attention that he desired. Khomeini condemned his book, Satanic Verses, and denounced him as a man who had insulted Islam and sold his soul to Satan and must be killed. The government of Iran put a price on his head and only lifted the Fatwa after Khomeini left this earthly life to meet his own justice. Among the mullahs are people like Mr. Khatami , who, I believe, if he is not able to do anything productive, at least pretends that he is trying to do something and Mr. Montazeri , who genuinely regretted helping Khomeini . Once a confidant of Khomeini , he was imprisoned in his own home for many years after warning Khomeini that he was being too harsh toward his opposition. He was recently released from house arrest but has no standing in the government. Khomeini and his regime earned its place among the most callous and brutal of dictators who have ruled Iran . He introduced ever more creative methods of torture that were exposed in an award-winning documentary called ‘A Tree that Remembers’ recently broadcast in Canada. Mullahs like Rafsanjani and Khamenei, are the business gurus of Iran . They think of nothing except their own pockets and have strangled police officers with their own hands. Yet, they rule in the name of God and live lavishly on public funds intended for the poor. Rafsanjani claims his family wealth comes from pistachio trees. People in Iran have a joke, wondering what kind of fertilizer he uses that causes his trees to grow money instead of pistachios. If he sold his beloved pistachio garden, he would not have been able to buy half of the properties he has bought around the world and in recent years in Vancouver , Canada . The government of Iran does not stop the killing because its perpetuation depends on it. Like the dictatorship of Chile, Iraq and others named herein, the dictatorship of Iran retains power by lethal force. The difference is, in Iran, everything is done in the name of God.
The callousness of Iran ’s governing mullahs in Iran is beyond imagination. Although it is a common color now in Iran , there is nothing in my religion prescribing black. We used to wear black only for mourning. Our prophet Mohammad recommended wearing white, and bright colors. From the time that the Islamic government of Iran came to power, black seems to be their favorite color. The ubiquitous chador that we see the women of Iran wearing is portrayed as required Islamic clothing. The chador, in fact, is not a Hijab or Islamic outfit. The shorter, knee length version of chador was worn during the Qajar Dynasty; the beginning of the mullah’s political influence. It became a symbol of Muslim women’s dress code although it does not look and is not Islamic. In short, Chador does not represent Islam yet it does represent the Mullah’s Dynasty. They are determined to establish this smothering, sweltering piece of black fabric as a national symbol and preach falsely that it is required by Islamic law to justify their abuse of power and true Islam. If this regime had come to power before the advent of modern media, radio, TV, newspapers and books we would have witnessed the birth of a new prophecy and new prophets, Khomeini the 13 th and Khamenei the 14 th, added to Islam. This is an example of how the brainwashed close their eyes and minds to the truth and accept the propaganda. It is a bitter reminder of how a pure religion has been manipulated for personal reasons. The growth of this regime is like a cancerous tumor and is evidence of the victory of superstition over the true message of Islam. In Iran , facts are only true if the mullahs say so. Islam, however, doesn’t care whether a mullah or a regular person tells the truth, as long the message is based on true Islam. In a discussion about Islam and how we know what to choose and when we know we are crossing the line, my teacher, speaking about Prophet Mohammad, whose testimony ironically has divided Shiah from Sunni, told this story. A follower asked the Prophet, “What we are going to do without you?” The Prophet answered, “I have left you with the Book of God, my family, and to assist and guide you, also you have your mind.” Mind in this sentence means, heart, conscious and knowledge. To answer people who asked him about the rules of Islam and how they would be applicable for generations after his departure, he replied, “Bring up your children for your own time and, if you must, send them to China for their education.” Most people knew of China at the time because of commercial travelers on the Silk Road . That meant he strongly believed in education and in going to any length to get it and in helping future generations to understand the rules accordingly. He wanted to tell us that we should accept changes as time passes. Everyone can interpret the truth the way they like but he said that if you know in your heart you are doing something wrong, you shouldn’t do it. These words do not sound old-fashioned or as if they come from an illiterate fanatic.
Presumably, we are not living in an ancient time when men were allowed to slap, kick and punish their daughters, sisters and wives. However, men still practice such aggression, using metaphors, culture, pride, men’s rights and holy books to defend their barbarism. From Iran to Afghanistan , Pakistan and Jordan ; from India to Africa and Indonesia , authorities in too many countries take genocide and abuse against women very lightly. The male-dominated countries could not care less about women. The problem is, these women are the mothers of the next generation and when these women grow up in fear, they breed fear on the skin of their infants. Women lose their lives at the hands of the same family that puts their name on the missing lists in the newspapers. In the name of justice, the government puts many women to death for alleged but unproven adultery, drug use or helping drug dealers. Some of them are educated women facing fabricated charges because they tried to educate other women. An accusation can kill a person; a suspicious mind can put an end to a life. Modern CSI technology and DNA evidence is very much a non-heard-of investigation fairy tale. While the governments talks about or ignores the problem, killing and rape continues, unreported and shrouded in the mystery of a traditional cult. Hampered by international relations and signed foreign policy agreements, there is nothing, or very little, the West can do to change the treatment of their population, particularly abuse of women. If we all believe in one goal, we can end the torment and abuse that goes to the grave with innocent women who die in these countries every day. Women should care for themselves and each other and be aware they are the next generation’s mothers, sisters, and wives. God has given us powerful minds and gifts but we must control our destiny to change it. We know we have been denied our rights. Together we can send a strong message of defiance. We can and shall overcome the ignorant customs and unjust treatment. But, we need to know that no one is going to offer it. We, as abused women and men have to fight for our rights to attain the respect that we deserve. I don’t believe in heroes anymore but I do believe in a strong generation to fill the shoes of one. I know the poet has never been wrong but I personally don’t like to wait for a savior to appear. I believe there is a hero in each and every one of us. We all hear that nothing comes from nothing. If we all sit and wait for someone else to do something, that someone else may never be born or may never come. Every one has a duty to stand up for themselves and others if they can. From my observations, that is the goal of those who march and shout for freedom. The opposition has its own political agenda which, unfortunately, comes before their common goal to overpower the theocracy. In fact, the factions of the opposition try to out maneuver one another. Their goal is to put an end to the current government so they can control the next one or be the next person who wears the crown. Sadly, their goals, and agendas have separated them from the country’s sovereignty and care for the people. In order to restore any country’s sovereignty people need to set aside their differences, their agendas and their dreams of what part of the pie they want and focus on the country. This is a common strategy and goal for any successful nation. As a Canadian, it is tax cuts and budget surplus that matter to me now. For multitudes of North Americans, all that matters are what’s on sale, what’s the catch and what’s the latest technology. I don’t deny I am now part of this mindset. I could not and would not want to live the way that I did not too long ago. What is missing in our lives if we find such things as ‘The Survivor’ TV series exciting and challenging? Is it really challenging when you live under the eyes of the world, have the medical and emergency help you might need and the Charter of Rights and Freedoms if something happens? If it were for forty years instead of forty days, would anyone have survived? That is one heck of a deal, living on a remote island with a camera recording your every move and getting a million bucks at the end. Imagine living in those conditions, without the cameras and emergency support, for years instead of days, with no prize money and no glamour or glory at the end of the game. I suspect the outcome would be different, as it is in reality in third world countries where many lives are wasted. In the real survival challenge, poor people in most under developed countries live below the poverty line. This is also true in Iran , even though it is one of the richest countries in the world. It is time we looked closely at other cultures and feel their misery. North American women, in general, are concerned with the way they look, the way their hair and nails are done, etc. Nothing wrong with that, unless that is all we care about. We should stop and look deep inside because we not only owe food and a safe home to our families; we also owe it to our brothers and sisters in other cultures. If their problems are only theirs, if we think we don’t live on the same planet, what are we then? Aren’t we less than human? Are we not just a product of our own century? We shouldn’t let our differences dilute and alter our humanity and conscience. Please, now that you know, do not let this book sit on your shelf. Tell these stories to other women. Men, you are welcome to help. After all, we are meant to compliment and complete each other, soul and body. Let us be one life, one soul. Care for us as we care for you. Help us to help you and ourselves.
God Bless.
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, and other
backward countries around the world, the culture has come to believe
that the family has a divine right to dictate marriage choice to women.
Girls who dare to have a boyfriend are almost always presumed to be
sexually active. Even today, many girls in Third World societies are
killed by their fathers, brothers and uncles just on suspicion of
having ‘disgraced’ the family. I have seen pictures of
women in a pool of their own blood. Women in Jordan are murdered in
the name of Islam by their own brothers, fathers and mothers in “honor
killings.” There are many things done in the name of religion
that have no religious basis. 
